That’s how life is — the real life. You will never know where you are going, whether it’s to what you ever wanted or the other way around. But as soon as you land onto somewhere — whether you like it or not — there’s no other choice but to embrace the fact that you are there. Real, alive and breathing. You just need to keep moving forward. Forward inside a tunnel where you never know where it leads you or whether it would ever end, and whether, with the thinnest string of hope, there’s sunlight or stardust waiting at the very end of its infinite darkness.
Last day of summer class today. At last. After all those stress, I’m finally breaking free. I still have two weeks to enjoy this vacation. Imma make the most out of it ♥
She’s made up of paper
White as a pearl under
But somehow tainted
Smeared and inked
Her world is a tangle of letters
Which twists and turns in corners
Her mind is an empty page
That doesn’t seem to know age
Her life is a sentence
A paragraph full of sense
With story that blends
But, like any other, ends.
It has been only a week, but it felt like forever. I miss writing. I miss how the way each letter curls to meet. And I miss freeing my mind from fallacious thoughts. My brain is so fuzzy and clouded with shits right now. Stress made me turn into someone who cannot write nor read. Not anymore.
We are tasked to make our own short film and I am not that confident about what we’ve done. We have so little time and limited resources. There’s too much problem regarding our taped scenes dynamic video quality and size, soft audio, scene lapses and not that high quality shots. It is easy to imagine but definitely hard to execute. I’m so stressed out. Like, everyday, problem here, problem there. Problems everywhere! I can’t wait to end this damn summer class.
Here I am again, sitting in front of the computer monitor, not wanting anything in the world. The feeling is always present. Imperishable. That feeling when you don’t want something to end yet you don’t want it to continue either. I know, it’s a bit stupid. But, all I want to do is to freeze time as long as I want and be idle as long as I can. Yet, it’s not possible. Not ever.
I am afraid my words have left me. Even worse, I’ve left my words.
It is hard to be left alone. But it’s even harder to be right alone.
How can you possibly prove whatever you wanted to prove if everyone else thinks you’re wrong? Feeling like the world is on a seesaw, you are alone on the higher place and the rest is on the other, outweighing you. It really takes a brave man to resist in going with the flow and making a stand for what he knows is right, even if it means fighting against the world and losing things you hold dear in life. And I admire those people who are courageous enough to stand at the edge of a cliff with the roaring water below waiting to splash her ribs and flesh apart, yet he isn’t afraid for he knows that only the truth will set him free.
I’m so damn stressed. I just wanna lock myself up inside a room, shut myself from the world, curl up into a ball. And die.